and Happy Birthday to Elynn. I love you all so much and am so glad that you are my family. My boss sent out her monthly newsletter yesterday with a Valentine's theme and I really liked what she had to say so I thought I would put that little Valentine's message on the blog today. :)

When we learn how to demonstrate through our words an inner feeling of acceptance toward another person, we have a skill that can produce some startling effects. We can be influential in his learning to accept and like himself and to acquire a sense of his own worth.

We can greatly facilitate his developing and actualizing the potential with which he was genetically endowed. We can accelerate his movement away from dependence and toward independence and self-direction. We can help him learn to solve for himself the problems that life inevitably brings.

Active Listening when used with the proper attitude and intention is the way of communicating acceptance of another person as they are. It tells them in effect, "I really understand what you are experiencing and I accept your feeling or thinking that way."

For this message to come across, these conditions are important:

1. You want to hear what the other person has to say. This means you are willing to give her your full attention and take the time to listen. If you don't, it will be obvious.

2. You genuinely want to be helpful to the other person at this time and with this problem. If you don't want to, be honest and say that.

3. You genuinely accept her feelings, however different they may be from your own feelings or from the feelings you think she should have. You don't want to change the other person.

4. You have a feeling of trust in the other person's ability to handle her feelings, to work through them and to find solutions to her problems. That happens over time.

5. You keep in mind that feelings are transitory, not permanent. Feelings change--hate becomes love, discouragement is replaced by hope. So you need not be afraid when feelings get expressed--they aren't forever fixed.

6. You are able to see the other person as someone separate from you--a unique person, an individual with her own life and identity. You can be "with" her as she experiences a problem, but not responsible for her.

7. You want to understand with empathy how the other person feels from their point of view. Put yourself momentarily in the other's shoes and see the world as they see it, putting aside your own perspective.

Of all the effects of acceptance none is as important as the inner feeling of the other person that he is loved. For to accept another "as he is" is truly an act of love; to feel accepted is to feel loved. And in psychology, we have only begun to realize the tremendous power of feeling loved: It can promote the growth of mind and body, and is probably the most effective therapeutic force we know for repairing both psychological and physical damage.

I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine's day and realize how much you are all loved! :)